بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Delaying marriage has become a crisis in the modern Muslim world. It seems that the youngsters have been brain washed about the idea of marriage from secular culture; the West put forward that marriage is for when one is older after they have ‘lived life’.
The other extreme which is more common amongst the true young believers is that the parents and surrounding family make it too difficult:
- The mahr (dowry) is made too high.
- The expectations of the wedding are too much to handle.
- Probably the worst point of all is that the wali rejects a man or a daughter from marrying their child due to cultural differences.
None of these are from the sunnah and it is causing great fitna amongst the young especially in the west where zina is widespread. We have made zina so much more accessible than a halal marriage and it is corrupting the new generation.
Many of the young men claim that they cannot get married due to the fact that they do not have a job, house, car etc. and many of the women do not wish to marry such a man. Allah mentions in the Qur’an:
“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves (Allah’s slaves) and female slaves (Allah’s slaves). If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” 24:32
Allah commands the believers to marry the righteous from among us including those who are poor or lack in funds – He will enrich them Himself. At the end of the day the rizkh (provision) is always from Allah and not from the job or money source we have.
There are many stories in which a couple went into marriage and soon after the man lost everything from his job to the house and everything in between. Who can guarantee us stability out of Allah’s decree?
The key in all of this is to have the right intentions and follow the Islamic teachings in finding a spouse while staying away from haram. Without Allah’s baraka (blessing) there will be corruption in the marriage.
Some of us also take the wedding itself too far. We expect so much from the celebration as to delay the marriage for the couple to save up enough to have it, at the end almost bankrupting them. Our weddings must be made simpler to make marriage easier and also kept halal to gain the most blessing from Allah.
For the biggest issue many of us delay marriage due to not finding someone within our culture. This is a form of racism in Islam. The prophet (ﷺ) said: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be trial (fitnah) in the land and corruption (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]
For the father who rejects a man due to his culture, you are directly opposing the order of the prophet (ﷺ).
The prophet also mentions: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
This is for the men looking merely at one thing. When looking for marriage the first and foremost aspect to look into is the deen of the woman. Many of the men especially in the later generations do not look past the physical beauty of the potential spouse. They find the woman attractive and move directly for marriage.
Let us all take heed of these signs and guidance from Allah. Our new generations are suffering and most of that responsibility is on the shoulders of the parents. There will come a day when Allah will question us all. The youngster who delayed marriage because they claim they are young or lacking funds only to end up in haram. The parents who reject a righteous believer asking for the daughters hand. The parents who delay the children’s marriage for reasons such as studies.
What will we say to Allah?
May Allah make it easy on our youth and soften the hearts of the parents.
Allah knows best.