بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Our ummah is suffering greatly from impermissible relationships between men and women. It has become so easy to fall into this trap especially in Western society and the rise of online technology. Connections between the genders can be made 24/7 with a few presses on a phone or laptop. It has become a huge test especially on the youth.
For a girl and a boy to have a physical relationship outside of wedlock is widely known across the ummah to be haram. However, we have now fallen into the idea that it is okay for the genders to keep contact – whether in person or through social media, texting etc. – as long as nothing physical happens. Let us go through what the Qur’an says about this.
“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.
And do not go near unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.
And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden, except by right. And whoever is killed unjustly – We have given his heir authority, but let him not exceed limits in [the matter of] taking life. Indeed, he has been supported [by the law].” [17:31-33]
Allah here does not mention performing the action of zina is haram – He says even going NEAR it is already a huge sin. This sin is so severe as to be mentioned along side the murder of innocent souls – it is not the only place this link is made:
“And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty.” [25:68]
Allah makes such links for a reason – to emphasise the severity of the sin. Staring at the opposite gender, talking privately, conversing alone all falls into going near zina. The prophet said: “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytan is the third one present.” [Tirmidhi] In our time this includes being in a private chat, sending texts, voice notes, pictures, going out alone etc.
The blessing of Allah is not there in these haram relationships. Allah mentions in the Qur’an:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [30:21]
Real love is the love placed in the hearts by Allah and it is not done by disobeying Him. The “love” relationships we think we have is merely lust in disguise.
Maybe many of us in Islam have pure intentions when it comes to this – we want to meet a spouse. Let us understand that the person we are getting to know privately, is not showing their true side. Sincerely looking at it, both the man and woman are on their best behaviour – they are showing what will please the opposite. One will never truly understand the persona of a person until there are big responsibilities in place and the first step of that is marriage.
A real man and an honest woman who truly have pure intentions will look at the halal methods of getting to know each other. Family dinners and outings are an easy start. Having a family member as the silent 3rd in a group chat will avoid temptation of explicit talk. There are many ways around this – one has to be sincere.
How many times have we heard “we are just friends” or “we are just talking over the phone”? Shaytan will not stop there. Over time he will remove the guilt – it will become comfortable enough for one to justify one’s actions and he will encourage one to move to the next step. Where do we draw the line? Where do we stop? The boundaries become so blurred that it will simply not be clear enough to tell between haram and halal anymore. Islam says prevention is better than cure – do not go near it.
The prophet said: “Any share of fornication of the son of Adam is written and no doubt he will reach it: The fornication of the eyes is looking at that which is forbidden. The fornication of the ears is listening to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the tongue is saying that which is forbidden. The fornication of the hand is grasping that which is forbidden. The fornication of the feet is walking to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the heart yearns and desires and the genitals either confirm it or contradict it.” [Muslim]
Let us end with questions that the Muslims in these relationships should ask themselves.
Are you truly looking to get married following Allah’s guidelines?
If so, what will happen if you spend months or years “falling for someone”, intending to marry at the end, then the father refuses?
Let us ponder over this and let us guide each other to goodness not evil. Let the parents of the ummah realise the severity and widespread of this issue and open the doors to marriage for the younger generation.
Allah knows best.