بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Let us swiftly tackle this insane misconception about Islam with one verse from the Qur’an which is ironically used by islamically uneducated people to backup the claim that husbands can beat their wives as they wish, for disobedience or other.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“Men are in maintainers of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if return to obedience [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.” [4:34
Firstly, many Muslims use the word “qawamoon” to mean “in charge of” which is a big mistake. Qawamoon is the plural of “qawam” which comes from the word “qama” which in this context means to “take care of” just as we “take care of” our salah. In no context does it mean to be in charge of.
Secondly, Allah mentions the women that “you fear their nushuz”. Nushuz as many misinterpret does not mean disobedience. Scholars of the Qur’an have explained that this word refers to “fahisha mubayina” which basically means immoral behaviour that is done openly. Scholars further explained that this leans more towards obscenity that leads to zina.
Allah uses the word “fear” very specifically here. What is a man’s greatest fear when it comes to his wife? That’s right, adultery. It can drive any person insane; however, men are more likely to act out physically. In 2018 alone there were almost 90,000 recorded cases of “crimes of passion”, over 90% of them were committed by men – some of them being brutal murders.
Allah knows His creation and thus gave guidelines on how to act accordingly. The first step is to talk; attempt to fix the issue through real conversation. If that does not work, leave the bed. If the woman is not fazed by this at all then there must be something going on. No partner in the world would not react to this notion.
This is where Allah has put down a strike. However, this is not for physically abuse – there are exact rulings on how this is done in order for it to be a gesture to draw attention to the major sin and not an attack – it has to be done lightly. No hitting with force, no physically hurting the woman, no touching the face and further strict guidelines.
Then Allah says “wa la’in ata’nakoum”. The word “ata’nakoum” translates in English to “if they return to obedience”, however, the word used has several meanings: comply with, accommodate, give in to i.e. it is translated in this context as “when they are committed to the marriage again”, as scholars of the Qur’an explained.
If they are committed once again, Allah orders the man to never speak of the issue ever again – to never once bring it up. Many husbands will hold on to such a notion and spring it up as a defence in the future – Allah forbids this.
What other way of life forms such detailed orders on a matter like this?
May Allah guide those who are oppressing our women in the name of Islam and help the women overcome such treacherous treatment.
Remember, the prophet (ﷺ) said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Tirmidhi]
His wife Aisha said: “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), peace and blessings be upon him, did not strike a servant or a woman, and he never struck anything with his hand.” [Muslim]
Allah knows best.